Hobby Hopper

Monday, May 9, 2011

And I visit the Porch once again, after a long period of separation. Such is life. "Free Time" comes in waves. It's as though different seasons of my life allow for different types of "me" time.

In the very recent past, my time to self was mostly made of getting a decent shower, catching up on DVR recordings, and giving a little TLC to my couch. I have been so exhausted for the past months, that I feel like I have been just trying to catch up to life.

"Hey you! Wait! I'm supposed to be enjoying you!!!"

But, for now, here I sit.

My obsession lately? Hobbies. Trying to find a hobby is more like it. I have sadly come to the conclusion that I have no passions in life. This is somewhat of a depressing thought if you actually ponder it. Nothing truly inspires me to suffer through pain and disadvantage to improve or succeed at it. As a result: I am good at a lot of things, but not great at anything!

So, I resorted to one of the things I would say I'm quite good at, GOOGLE"ing" (now if this was a hobby, I may just already be a professional). In my Google quest to find a hobby, I took an online "free" hobby recommendation quiz. The results? Glass Etching.

Ha! I snickered at this suggestion just as I'm sure you did, and then in desperation to find some purpose behind my existence, I actually started to research it and try to develop a passion for glass etching! In these hours (yes, hours) of looking into this hobby, I began to question my sanity.

" Courtney, has it really come to this? Do you really feel so purposeless that you are going to take up GLASS ETCHING?!"

After doing all the necessary research, I found a flaw, as I always do. Yes, I have also become quite the expert at talking myself out of ANYTHING and EVERYTHING! *sigh*.

This is when it dawned on me. I don't have a hobby for a reason. I am not passionate about anything because I have a little bit of love for everything. My hobby is hobbying. I don't need a scrapbook room, or a jewelry making table, or an elaborate kitchen, or a spanning garden, because I am not DEVOTED to any one hobby. Instead, I want a "Courtney" room. I want a room with wall to wall bookshelves for all of the marvelous creations of those who have a grasp on literature far more toned then my own. I want a table with glue stains and glitter spots from all of the arts and crafts and projects I do. I want a pink computer for all of my moments of inspiration that I must record on the Porch. I want a place that doesn't make sense, that doesn't have a real purpose other than just to be whatever I need it to be: retreat, haven, creative outlet.

It hasn't been until this "wave" of my life that I have started to really realize who I am. Don't get me wrong, I am still finding myself, but I'm starting to embrace what I find instead of try to change it and then run.

The hardest thing in the world isn't figuring out who you are, but finding out who you are and facing what you find everyday.


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