A Work In Progress

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Recently I was approached by someone who was inspired by my "testimony" as a young Christian woman, fighting the world as a single mom, yet at an age that even alcohol consumption is prohibited (oh the irony of this place). With his admiration and encouragement, I have found a bit of inspiration myself, to continue to pursue something that I have always been keenly interested in, Public Motivational Speaking.

Now, I am no professional. I have little experience in this world seems how I have been here just barley two decades, but what I do have is a story and an understanding of things far beyond what the world has to teach. I am excited to compose some pieces out of these experiences.

After a while of mental drafting, I have started to discover the shape of my ministry. With much prayer and seeking, I feel that God's hand is on the formation of this. He is merely using me as vessel to convey truth.

At first, I automatically leaned towards drawing up speeches that directly emphasize the importance in being a Christian woman through the vital teenage years in a girls life. But the more and more I sit on these experiences in my life, the more and more I realize that it never was about becoming a "holy" Christian, if you will, but rather about NOT becoming a worldly Christian. My heart has always been in the right place. I have always genuinely believed that what I was doing did not define me as a daughter of God. This is a common thing among sons and daughters of Christ, I believe.

As I begin writing my first series to an audience of young, teenagers, I am beginning to understand that making life defining choices through our younger years, is directly impacted by the way we PERCEIVE the situation, whether or not it is reality or not. Now all of this may seem a bit overwhelming so let me put it to you this way:

A young girl is an emotional abusive, unGodly, physical relationship. Her self esteem is being defined by some boy (nearly just as lost as she). Her friends and family URGE her to release herself from this harmful relationship, and move on with the glory and forgiveness of the Lord. REGARDLESS OF HOW MANY PEOPLE TELL HER TO GET OUT, UNTIL SHE DECIDES THIS IS A DANGEROUS RELATIONSHIP SHE WILL GO BACK EVERY TIME! Again, " until SHE DECIDES..." she will not make a change.

My calling is not to persuade young girls to get out of unhealthy relationships. It is not to scare them or guilt them into celibacy. The purpose in my inspirational presentation is to help young adults learn to DECIDE. Deciding to do things out of the social "norm" is one of the hardest things for young, permeable minds to be okay with. I strive to inspire teens, young adults, and even parents to do what is uncomfortable and hard! For teens this may mean choosing to stay pure until marriage. For young adults this may mean abandoning an unfruitful lifestyle in exchange for the glories of Heaven. For parents this may mean deciding to pick their heads up out of the sand and lead their children into abundant happiness by imposing expectations and limitations.

Regardless of the walk of life, I feel that I am at a very vital age to reach a widespread group of people. I am in touch enough with my young self to remember what was going through my mind at such a fragile time like middle and high school. I am far enough away from that time that I can see my mistakes clearly and already understand my faults. I am adult enough (whether by age or situation) to where I can understand the ultimate hopes and dreams a parent has for their child. I understand a parental perspective and absolutely know what young adults need to hear from their parents in order to have the same vision for their lives.

In reading this, I hope you will pray for my developing ministry. I also hope that you will provide me with feedback on the struggles in your own lives and those around you so that I can get a clearer perspective on the problems the average American family is facing. Sometimes the scariest part of fixing the problems with your family relationships is realizing that you have enough problems to put them into an average size paragraph, which sadly, most of us can when we are honest with ourselves.

I am currently rekindling a love for my King and God. It's the longest relationship I have ever been in, and I have neglected it more than any relationship in my life. I am taking steps to rebuild this. It is a journey, and most definitely a "walk", but it's extremely fruitful and satisfying, because I know I'm not doing it alone.

I love the country song "Without You" By: Keith Urban. While I know this song is in no way religious, I can't help but relate on a spiritual level with the following lyric:

"Without you I'd survive, but I would have to have the notion, that I could live this life, just going through the motions."

... And That My Dear Was All She Wrote...

Finally Friday!

Friday, July 22, 2011

So it has been a while since I have updated and I figured it was about time. Mainly because I am an obsessive blog stalker and recently admitted my hypocrisy when I was irritated that one of my followed blogs hadn't been updated that week. Then I thought back to my poor little blog... clinging to it's last post like a lifeline, and decided it was time.

Finally Friday: Things that have made this week worth it!

Two new pairs of black heels. So gorgeous!

Poppy seed Chicken made with love by mom upon special request by ME.

Design Star White Box Challenge! ( My favorite episode every season)

Chips and Salsa from Chile's...YUMMMMMMMM!

Good Phone Calls with Good Friends


Going Shopping on My lunch BREAK.


When Caroline says," Momma Momma , I love Momma." or walks around saying " I love you tooooooo" 1 million times. IT NEVER GETS OLD!

Heart filled Prayers....again.

Being on TiME to work... somedays.

Pictures of my FatCat, Sophie, stuck with her butt hanging out from under couch. Seriously! I laughed for like 10 minutes!


the fact the the whole week was spent ringing in the WEEKEND!

That about sums it up for now! Taking Caroline to the Indoor Safari Park this weekend, going out Saturday night, hopefully going to clean the apartment and spend some time outside with Caroline. Church Sunday (EXCITED)!

And That My Dear Was All She Wrote!

Purpose Filled Goodbye

Friday, July 1, 2011

I have flirted with the purpose of this blog for some time now. Realizing I don't have the time to be a professional blogger (which is what it takes to have more than 10 or so followers), I think I have finally come to discover a more fulfilling purpose for this.

Through careful thought and consideration, I have decided the new and final purpose for this blog is going to be an ongoing "love letter", if you will, to Caroline. If no one reads or "follows" my blog, it won't stop the purpose behind the words. It is my hope that someday Caroline looks up my blog, and can see all of things that I have overcome in my life, all of the things I have changed in my life, all of the things I have sacrificed, and all of the things that I have had the joy of experiencing.

When I tell her, " I know what you are going through... I really do baby," she will be able to look back on my reflections during that time and know that I genuinely understand. What better way to show her how our life was when she was growing up than through daily recollection?

*****SO IT BEGINS*******

Today, Caroline, I said goodbye to a very dear friend. A very serious boyfriend of mine and I both decided to walk away from a relationship we both knew wasn't right for our futures. I did this for many reasons, but a primary reason was because I want the world for you and me....and no matter how hard it is to change what I know and am already used to, it's more important to me that I find someone that will give us the world, than it is to hurt temporally. You deserve NOTHING less than someone who loves you as his own. I deserve NOTHING less than someone who knows that they 100% want me in their future.

It's so hard, but I am finding the "Good" in "Goodbye". It hurts. Sometimes I want to scream, sometimes I want to cry, and sometimes I even want to laugh at how ridiculous I feel to even try to move on, but most importantly I remind myself that everyone moves on....No one ever died from a break up. I will continue to be strong and grow stronger. Just know, that you are my "sunshine" right now. It's impossible for me to hurt as bad as I could, because even when everything feels dark and grey, you light up my life and never seize to shower me with your love and adoration. Thank you for saving me from my own mistakes.

I love you, Carebear.

And that my dear, was all she wrote.
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