Purpose Filled Goodbye

Friday, July 1, 2011

I have flirted with the purpose of this blog for some time now. Realizing I don't have the time to be a professional blogger (which is what it takes to have more than 10 or so followers), I think I have finally come to discover a more fulfilling purpose for this.

Through careful thought and consideration, I have decided the new and final purpose for this blog is going to be an ongoing "love letter", if you will, to Caroline. If no one reads or "follows" my blog, it won't stop the purpose behind the words. It is my hope that someday Caroline looks up my blog, and can see all of things that I have overcome in my life, all of the things I have changed in my life, all of the things I have sacrificed, and all of the things that I have had the joy of experiencing.

When I tell her, " I know what you are going through... I really do baby," she will be able to look back on my reflections during that time and know that I genuinely understand. What better way to show her how our life was when she was growing up than through daily recollection?

*****SO IT BEGINS*******

Today, Caroline, I said goodbye to a very dear friend. A very serious boyfriend of mine and I both decided to walk away from a relationship we both knew wasn't right for our futures. I did this for many reasons, but a primary reason was because I want the world for you and me....and no matter how hard it is to change what I know and am already used to, it's more important to me that I find someone that will give us the world, than it is to hurt temporally. You deserve NOTHING less than someone who loves you as his own. I deserve NOTHING less than someone who knows that they 100% want me in their future.

It's so hard, but I am finding the "Good" in "Goodbye". It hurts. Sometimes I want to scream, sometimes I want to cry, and sometimes I even want to laugh at how ridiculous I feel to even try to move on, but most importantly I remind myself that everyone moves on....No one ever died from a break up. I will continue to be strong and grow stronger. Just know, that you are my "sunshine" right now. It's impossible for me to hurt as bad as I could, because even when everything feels dark and grey, you light up my life and never seize to shower me with your love and adoration. Thank you for saving me from my own mistakes.

I love you, Carebear.

And that my dear, was all she wrote.


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