Remembering the Details

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Dear Cinnamini Jo,

 Tonight was night two of our usual "girl's night", when Dad is out of town working. I picked you up from school, we RUSHED RUSHED RUSHED to get our picture stuff together, (you insisted on standing in front of your fan for 5 mins to "cool down"), and then went to your favorite field by the house to snap some shots (you like that field because you can see 'Appa Pinna Beach' AKA Hawaiian Falls). I wanted to capture you in your little cupcake costume BEFORE the Halloween craziness that will engulf us undoubtedly on Thursday.

We had fun taking pictures. I had fun playing with my gear. You mostly just had fun picking the grass and collecting it into a bushel. At one point you wanted to play swords with the grass... I think I ignored you. I'm sorry.

After pictures we dashed to the Mall to run 'quickly' into Bath and body works to buy just four little wall flower refills. In the short amount of time we were there, you happened to drop one of those bulbs, sending scented oil and glass all over the floor. The people were very nice about it, but I was not happy that you had been swinging it so carelessly before it unavoidably was dropped. You must have said "I'm sorry" 30 times. I think I ignored you. I didn't want to say "it's okay".

We paid and went upstairs to eat. You chose Sonic (for the burgers). We got our drinks to which you exclaimed "I GOT ONE OF THOSE?!" referencing the mint on the lid of your cup. You were SO excited, but I talked you into putting the mint in my bag along with mine, so we could eat them later.
There we stood with our cups in one hand, holding each other's with the other. You just looked up for no reason and said, " I love you". You tell me that for no reason a lot.

I let you pick the table, and we ended up at one of those tiny two seaters. We had to switch the chairs because you wanted a sparkly one. We both ate our burgers, and talked, and sat. We must have eaten for 35 minutes ( I fed you almost every bite until your burger was gone because you said it tastes better when I feed it to you). You had begged me over and over and over to ride the carousel after we ate (like you haven't ridden it every visit to the mall since I don't know when). I said "possibly" many times. We made our way over, you paid for your coin, and I watched your eyes light up as we waited in line for your turn. A girl from school was behind us, and you and her rode horses, side by side, like you were best friends. That 120 second ride made your night.

We headed to the door, where you trailed ahead and turned into Barns and Noble towards the kids area, where you turned and looked at me like, "pleeease?" I grabbed a photography book off a nearby shelf and agreed. As I sat with my knees to my chest at the short lego table, you built stuff, examined all the toys on the shelves, and arranged about 10 stuffed animals into what you considered to be a "sleeping" scenario. After about 30 minutes you were not ready to go, but I convinced you that we needed to get home. So we headed back.

We got home, you lead me by flash light to get the mail, we looked at your new magazine, and then you got in the bath. You played in the bath for about an hour and a half, so long that you had what you called, "Grandma Feet". I edited pictures, you played, we jammed out to some new songs, and at what most people would consider absurdly late for a 3 year old you got out. We played the you-shout-letters-and-I-tell-you-what-they-spell game, until eventually we were jumping on the bed and you were spelling silly words over and over just to hear me say things like "booty". Then, as if it wasn't already late enough, I let you play a couple ipad games in my bed to calm down while a took a bath. I hollard into you and said, "Do you know how much I love you?" to which you answered, "more than your stuff? Oh wait, no, more than you take pictures?! Is that the right answer?" I agreed.

I got out, we told the ipad goodnight, and you settled in for sleep. I was telling you goodnight when you suddenly remembered, "what about our mints?!" Your sweet excitement and memory melted my heart. I told you I would pull them out of the bag and put them on the counter for you and I to eat tomorrow, which I promptly did.

A few minutes later I walked through the room and you asked me why I wasn't smiling, why I wasn't happy (you ask me this a lot). I told you I was happy. You proceeded to prod (because you are your mother's daughter) and you asked, "it's just that your still mad about me dropping that thing and it spilling everywhere?" I stopped, put down what was in my hands, and came to you and assured you that it was okay, and that I wasn't upset, and that I understood it was an accident. All of the good things that had happened for you tonight, all the smiles and laughing, and you were STILL bothered by the thought that I may be upset at you for breaking a $5.00 something. It just broke my heart.

I'm so proud of you. I'm so lucky that God chose me to "lead" you, even though you are my teacher each and every day. I know your wondering why I gave you every detail of our evening, and why that's relevant to anything. I just want you to know that I truly do value every day with you. I store your actions, words, thoughts, feelings, worries, fears, joys, and much more in my heart and my memory. I try so hard to preserve what you are leaving behind. I want you to understand how much the little things you say matter to me, how the random "I love you" s don't go unnoticed. Every detail of who you are and what you do is important, and you should know that I'm doing my best to remember for you. I hope some day you read what I have written on all these posts. I hope you can read and learn about what life was like in the time before you could remember things for yourself.

...and you better believe that tomorrow, you and I will be eating Sonic mints like we have never had anything like them before.

...and that my Dear, was all she wrote...


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