What we should be reading about instead of "what to pack in your hospital bag"

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

This week marks week 4 of chaos over here at the Fry household, as Hudson turns 1 month old on Thanksgiving! Ryan keeps saying, "It just doesn't seem like it's been a whole month already, does it?!" 
To which I continue to respond, "Ehh, yeah, I mean maybe. Kinda. Like I can't believe it'a already been a month, yet at the same time... I feel like he's been here robbing me of my sleep and sanity for an eternity!" Mixed emotions much???

As we come to a close on the "month of doom" I talked about in my previous post, I have really been thinking about this past month and all the crazy things I have thought, felt, wished for, cried over, prayed about, questioned, and laughed about; all of the things I have adjusted, adapted to, accepted, and acknowledged. With all of these reflective thoughts and the surplus of people I know expecting little bundles of joys in the coming months both in person and on Facebook, I thought I would shed some realistic light on the changes that bringing a new baby home brings.

Facebook is such a deceptive tool at glorifying different life experiences of your friends and family. Occasionally we see a post of someone expressing negative feelings, to which we usually chalk it up as "that 'dramatic" person" on our Newsfeeds. The "NORMAL" people only share or post about the fun trips they are taking, the neat concerts they have tickets to, the fun family gathering they have attended, etc. We all talk about our spouses and how amazingly awesome they are on "Man Crush Monday" or "Woman Crush Wednesday". We post the funny things that come out of our toddlers' mouths. We share selfies and photos of our adorable kids, spunky pets, and our just made up and fixed up faces #bestdayever. 

Rarely do we share our reality. Why? Because there is a small part of all of us that wishes our life was  always "rainbows and butterflies" and subconsciously believe that if we only share what we want people to know about, and convince our "friends" about our great lives, then somehow we have it all together off of the internet too. Think about it: how often do you really see posts like 

"Feeling Frustrated! I don't understand why I have to do everything around the house, feed the family, do everyone's laundry, and when I ask for (HUSBAND) to take out the trash, he rolls his eyes like a five year old, and it makes me want to just slap someone. #MCM #lovehim #besthubbyever"


It is for that reason that I'm sharing the reality of having a newborn here. Because on Facebook I can post adorable pictures we have had taken of him, I can share status about how sweet he is before his bath, but what I don't do is post at 2 am when I'm awake with him... unable to get him to sleep... alone... angry that I'm awake... and truly questioning what we were thinking having another baby!?

So... for all the new moms and mommas-to-be that I'm friends with...here it is- What we should be reading about instead of "what to pack in your hospital bag".

You are going to be on an adrenaline high when you get to the hospital to welcome your bundle of joy. You really will be. It's great. It's magical. It's like NO other experience in this life. Relish in it.
The first couple of days of your newborn's life will be spent in the hospital, with round the clock company, help, and assurance from Doctor's and Nurses. You can ask questions and get immediate answers that you will trust from a "professional". You can send the baby to be cared for by "professionals" in the nursery while you catch some ZZZZZ's (AND SERIOUSLY... DO THIS! Don't try to be supermom... enjoy the help). 

Then you are going to bring your baby home. Your going to show him/her around your house and then he/she is going to sleep pretty much 90% of the day for that first week or so, and you and your spouse are going to think: "This isn't so bad. Why do people make it sound SO bad?"

Then week two is going to set in. Little Love won't sleep quite as much, he/she will be pooping out more than his body weight in fecal matter, and your google searches will have gone from "where is the best place to eat in town on Saturday nights" to "is projectile vomitting normal in newborns?" and "how many oz should my 2 week old be eating?" In fact, google will become your main source of assurance (which is scary in and of itself) that 'Yes, you officially do NOT know what your doing or how ANYONE does'. 

Weeks three and four are a blur of diaper changes, buying 5 different types of bottles to figure out which one's actually prevent the most gas, testing of 2 types of formula to help him be less "fussy", many (and I mean MANY) laps around the house as you think "I have no idea what else to do for you!?!"

During these weeks you will question SO many things. You will wonder why you ever rocked the boat in the life that was once so "normal" and "easy" and "fun". You will question if things will ever get better/easier. You will ask yourself how can I keep doing this day after day. 

...and guess what... that's OKAY! As a mom, we all do it. 

You will love your new little one. There will be moments you look at them and just want to cry because they are so cute and innocent and precious. For that moment you will take back every negative thought you had.  You will post an adorable picture of your baby cuddling you with those sweet baby yawns. You will vow to enjoy every last second of their life. Then a sleep deprived you shows up the next day, and during that 6 pm melt down (by the way every kid changes from angel to gremlin around the 6 pm time... that doesn't change) and you start questioning (and googling) all over again.  

Then one day... it gets better. One day you look back and realize yesterday wasn't quite as frustrating as the day before. Suddenly you feel a little more equipped for this job than you did last night. 
It really happens that fast. 

Hormones are a very real and very frustrating thing that us momma's have to deal with after having a baby. Your husband will probably look at you like you have 10 heads. Other women will empathize with you. You won't even RECOGNIZE you. 

Just be prepared. Be prepared to not look like the mother's in the Pamper's commercials. Always snuggling a cooing, smiling baby. Be prepared for the questions and the uncertainty. Be ready to feel confused, and guilty, and sad, and excited all at one time. Be prepared to wonder why. Be prepared to love something so much you would give your own life for it, and at the same time feeling like that same little thing is sucking the life from you!

During this past month I have been more emotional than I have been my entire life. I love Hudson more than words can express, but saying good-bye to the life I knew has been hard for me. Accepting that the ease of raising one child is temporarily on hold and that a lot of hard work lay ahead, hasn't been as "natural" as I remember it being. I have struggled so much to actually believe that we will find a "normal" again. BUT- I will say... it gets better. Every single day gets easier. Every day you feel like you understand your baby more and more. Each morning you have a better and better idea of what the day will hold. To top it off, each day you are further and further away from the life you knew before them. 

I tell you this not because I want you to look at having a little one as a negative, but rather that you should know... despite everything you are about to experience and feel, there will be days that you browse your Facebook newsfeed and wonder if anyone feels the way you do. I want you to know that someone does. All of us Momma's do, and even though we may only post about the amazing milestones our little ones are achieving or the adorable faces and noises they are making, we too have days and nights that we feel like the 'only one' to feel how we do too. We are all the "only ones" together. 

  1. Motherhood is a great honor and privilege, yet it is also synonymous with servanthood. Every day women are called upon to selflessly meet the needs of their families.


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